Monkey bars, gawky teenagers and a presidential cameo – all given a prime-time showcase by ABC – combined for the most leaden hour of America’s 250th birthday summer

Culturally, it’s been a tough few months for Donald Trump. The UFC night he held at the White House for his birthday got lost amid the froth and excitement of the World Cup. The Great American State Fair on the Washington DC National Mall was a dud. The president’s jokes at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner all bombed. Could the Patriot Games, a nationwide competition to find the American schoolchildren most adept at traversing a set of monkey bars, help rescue the summer?

Last night we got our answer: no. A one-hour prime-time special brought us the best of the Patriot Games, and in a crowded field it managed to offer some of the most leaden TV of the American semiquincentennial. Freedom 250, the White House-backed non-profit that hosted the UFC fight at the White House and the Great American State Fair, produced the event, and put up the $125,000 in college scholarship winnings that went to each winner on the boys’ and girls’ side of the competition. The final round of the Games actually took place earlier this week, at a sports training facility outside Cleveland, Ohio. Last night we just got the best bits, and judging by what that amounted to, we should all be thankful we never had to endure the other bits. This was Trumpworld’s answer to the Hunger Games, but it’s unlikely there will be much clamor for a sequel. The patriots may be hungry for more, but the rest of us? Eh.

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